May 2010

How is it really Memorial Day already? That means summer is here, as is June. I have almost been away from San Francisco for a year. It has been almost a year since my trip to Europe, my rummy days in Maine, and starting life here in Houston. San Francisco seems so far away in my mind and in time … but it still is sometimes hard to believe how quickly time flies.

I had a fantastic weekend with some new friends at the beach. It is always a blast to get out of town a bit, dance the night away with fun girls, lay in the sunshine on the beach, eat yummy food, laugh at jokes, play cards, and have an all around good time. It was definitely the type of weekend that I needed. Plus I got to come home before too late and hang out with my mom and kick Jerald’s butt at rummy. What could be better?

On a more serious note, I was writing a blog post for BCP about how for many of us Memorial Day has become “the day the pool opens” or simply a time to spend with family and friends. It really does need to be a time when for just a few moments we stop and remember the people who have paid the price for our freedoms. In years past I have not quite understood what that means. And although I really think it is difficult to grasp even now, I think that dating Pat has certainly made me so much more aware of how thankful I am to the people who currently, and in the past, have put their lives at risk for this country. We are so blessed.

Now it’s that time for another week, albeit a short week. I can’t wait to watch some Phantom, maybe do some ballet, and see PB and friends next weekend! Happy Memorial Day and here we go June!

I just got this in the mail after ordering it from Seattle Show Posters. Even though it’s cheesy I am totally following through on the idea to frame it and then attach a dry-erase marker so I can write messages back in forth to PB.

Tonight it would say:

…because you talk to my when I’m being irrationally emotional and fearful even when you have a headache and have three flights beginning at 6:30 am.

I would have to write very small.

I mean with Glory’s face instead of course.

Now that Lost is FINALLY over I can think about the possibility of watching it from the beginning. You know when it was still “good”. You know maybe one day. When I have the urge to sit in front of my tv, confused for a few days. I’m sure I offended people to the core with those comments.

I never really got the appeal but I do know that anything with that large of a cult following can never be entirely bad. Besides Charles Manson, and potentially Justin Bieber. 

Only when the last tree has been cut down; Only when the last river has been poisoned; Only when the last fish has been caught; Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten. – American Indian proverb

A friend had this quotation on their Facebook in light of the recent and ongoing oil spill disaster in the Gulf. As I have also been off and on been reading both Atlas Shrugged and Omnivore’s Dilemma this quote just hit me. This gigantic disaster that no longer even gets top billing in the news. That will likely merit a few governmental probes, perhaps a few fines and slaps on the wrist, but let’s face it: ultimately this will all be washed over in history until it happens again and then we will point back to this spill, much like they do now with the Exxon Valdez spill, to compare and ask why it has happened.

I often joked that I must be a socialist. I love the idea of the phrase “from each according to his ability, to each according to his needs”. I also agree with the principle behind the need for centralization and regulation to protect us, essentially, from ourselves. Although laissez-faire capitalism may work economically (which can be argued separately) is that really all that matters? I’m not saying that socialism in practice works, either economically or ethically, but these latest events certainly make me wonder if perhaps profit is valued too heavily in the grand scheme of things.

I’m thinking about this not because I have any answers, not because it will fix anything but because it is something that deserves to be thought of, if for no other reason than to say that with thousands of barrels of oil spilling into our water I took a moment to wonder if it was worth it.

There’s a lot that I don’t know
There’s a lot that I’m still learning
When I think I’m letting go
I find my body it’s still burning

And you hold me down
And you got me living in the past
Come on and pick me up
Somebody clear the wreckage from the blast

Yeah I’m alive
But I don’t need a witness
To know that I’ve survived
I’m not looking for forgiveness
Yeah I just need light
I need light in the dark
As I search for the resolution.

- Jack’s Mannequin

I’m ready for their next album. Possibly due out in this year – or at least it is in the works so I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

I began reading Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller yesterday. Somehow I had forgotten how much I love his books. They are so honest and up front about some of life’s difficult questions about God and faith. Somehow he seems to say things in a way that makes me think “humm I am like that too”.

There’s a portion in the beginning that I identify with and it reads:

My friend who owns the coffee shop told us, in a tone of kindness and truth, that nobody he knows who is successful gambles; rather, they work hard, they accept the facts of reality, they enjoy life as it is. “But the facts of reality stink,” I told him. “Reality is like a fine wine,” he said to me. “It will not appeal to children.” I am grateful my friend stung me in that way, because this truth helped me understand and appreciate life itself, as it is, without the false hope formulas offer. … That said, I do believe people change, and I do believe life can get better. I have changed, slowly and with time, the way a tree grows by a river.

I have written before about this type of “reality accepting” thinking that I prefer. Perhaps I am better at accepting the facts of reality than I am at enjoying life as it is. I miss that step sometimes. What I do like though is that it goes on to realize that reality can change. That it is within our control to be reality changers. That people can grow the way a tree grows by a river. That phrase. It is funny because today I randomly turned to Jeremiah 17:5-8. Part of it goes:

⁷ “But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.  ⁸ He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.

So today I have been thinking like a tree. Spreading my roots and standing tall. Knowing that the sun shines but the rain also does fall and the drought may come. There’s something about a tree growing by the river that makes me think of my fragile strength. And the nourishment and protection that I need to grow and to be stronger and more of who I was meant to be.

Jason Sweeney

Edward Monkton

Mia Nolting

Laura George

I absolutely love the song Beautiful Beautiful by Francesca Battistelli. I think I may love even more that the album name is My Paper Heart. How fitting. There’s this line in the song that says “Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain. But even perfect days can end in rain.” Every time I hear it there’s something in me that feels touched with understanding. This feeling of worrying about disappointment that you miss the joy in the moment.

It’s not easy for me to be an “in the moment” type person. On Friday I’m already thinking about Sunday being over. Some might consider this being a pessimist. I consider it as being a realist. I find it easier to anticipate the disappointment so that I can then anticipate and prepare my response. I like preparation. Having emotions spontaneously has never worked well for me. Writing that out – it actually seems a bit lame but the truth sometimes is.

It’s funny because it is almost like this essay about product versus process.

I have a hard time experiencing anything directly. All data received must be filtered through my automatic de-sensitization machine, where all information will be packed, stored and ready to be viewed as memory a month or two later.

It’s kinda like those movies that are more fun to quote than to actually watch. I think the joyous thing though is that lately I’ve been working on living in the moment more. And (to insert even more lameness about my attachment to technology – as illustrated by yesterday’s post) viewing certain experiences as for my own life only that isn’t necessarily to be shared by taking a picture or writing about it or Tweeting about it. Like that Office episode where Jim and Pam take “photos” to save in their memory.

Those moments are the ones I’ll be living now.